Self-Compassion for Parents by Susan M. Pollak

Author:Susan M. Pollak [M. Pollak, Susan]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781462540198
Publisher: Guilford Publications

Compassion to Go

I like to think of the “Hurricane” practice as “self-compassion to go.” It isn’t a practice that you need a quiet space for. You can use it whenever you need a shot of compassion, rather than that extra shot of espresso (don’t worry, sometimes we need that as well). How have other parents used this practice? Samantha had a fight with her son about carpool arrangements for soccer practice, and he yelled at her and was disrespectful. It didn’t work for her life to take him and pick him up for every game, but he wanted her to be there. She was furious that he didn’t respect her needs, but there was no time for quiet reflection to calm down. She was in the car and on the way to work where she had to give an important presentation and not be a mess. Although she was driving in rush-hour traffic on the highway, she was able to recognize what she was feeling, allow it to be there, even though it was unpleasant, investigate what she was experiencing with some curiosity and friendliness, and then nourish herself, gently observing that this was painful rather than beating herself up. “It got me out of that ruminating rage I get into, where I spiral down into a funk. And I get that he wants me to be at every game, but I’m only human, and my needs matter too.”

Hiroto used the practice when he and his ex-wife were going through a bitter and contentious divorce and custody battle. The kids were getting caught in the cross-fire. Whenever he felt overwhelmed with anger and bitterness, he turned to RAIN. ”It helps me feel a little less crazed and work with my feelings in a constructive way rather than being afraid of their intensity. I’d started drinking again, I was so upset. Downed a whole bottle of wine myself the other night. I just wanted to numb out. It’s been so hard. I have a broken heart, a fear of the future, and the desire for revenge. But I need to put the kids first. Now I feel that I’m a little more understanding of how much this hurts. I’m not drinking every night, taking things out on my colleagues, or yelling at the kids. I’m learning to relax in the midst of all this chaos and change.”

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